This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
