Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
