Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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