Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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