so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
