finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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