How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
