Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You should frame my arrest warrant.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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