Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
