do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
