I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
