so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
