Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
