That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
