i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
