I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
