I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Damn victory sex feels great
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
