i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
