He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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