five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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