My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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