Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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