I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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