we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
