i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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