I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I want a musical about memes.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
