Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
