I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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