shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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