Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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