and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
