fuck your aforementioned shoe
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
