Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
