You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
