And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
