i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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