can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
