I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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