Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
