im drinking this country out of the recession.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
