I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
