Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
