I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
