i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
