i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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