I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
