8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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