Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
