Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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