I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
