Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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