I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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