just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I could fuck to npr.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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