I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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