i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
